April 17, 2013

Bubbles, Wine and Chocolate

There are a few things I find relaxing and stress relieving, a bubble bath, a glass of wine and chocolate, dark chocolate.  The only thing that makes it better is to combine all three. 

I never know how an idea for a column is going to come together.  The news, of course provides the basics.  It’s the everyday conversations and experiences that have a way of tying it all together.  The thing about a peaceful bubble bath is that it allows the mind to wonder.  It can be very therapeutic.  The mind jumps from one thought to another, looking at the past and thinking about the future.  There has been laughter and tears but both have provided reflective thought that has been both intense and light hearted.  When we force ourselves to just think, it’s amazing where the mind can travel.  Thinking and going about your daily routine isn’t the same as placing yourself in a confined space with nothing but your thoughts to ponder.

Last week I spent some time revisiting the past.  Boxes that have been sitting in storage since I left a bad situation needed to be organized.  I went from one end of the emotional scale to the other.  I found both good and bad memories.  I revisited childhood memories and traveled through young adult friendships.  Photographs pulled at the heart strings.  This is why I didn’t want to open boxes, not so much for the bad that I would see but for the good that I lost.  The mind adjusts and goes into survival mode.  Dealing with the bad becomes just another day.  Being reminded of how good life once was makes you wonder how and why.  

Looking at objects and pictures from the dark years was difficult.  Realizing that certain pictures held no meaning was comforting.  I don’t regret what I did to secure my freedom.  Reading journal entries was most difficult.  I was trying so hard to survive that I didn’t realize what was taking place.  It was at this moment, after a sip of wine, that several events from my week came together. I was able to tie up the loose ends.  I read my history; interaction with others provided insight and ideas.  

What seemed insignificant at the time had an alarming impact on my life.  There are consequences for bad decisions even if we make them with good intentions.  I was defending and denying something that I couldn’t quite acknowledge but it was there and I knew something wasn’t right.  I tried to pretend everything was fine.  

I dealt with my share of smoke and mirrors, double talk and the general feeling that no matter what I did I was wrong.  Making decisions became a tricky road to navigate.  I knew no matter what I decided it would end up being the wrong decision, so I stopped making them.

I smiled to hide the pain.  If I allowed my true feelings to show, it caused problems.  There were too many distractions.  I wasn’t able to focus on just one issue because another issue would pop up.  I was overwhelmed and drowning.  I had all the basics I needed and even a few extras.  I was however, lacking a couple key components, freedom and independence.  My servitude provided luxury for the one in the elite category.  

I fear that Americans are on the same path.  We’ve been so busy trying to survive that we haven’t been paying attention to what is happening around us.  When an entity wants to provide and protect you, it comes with a hefty price tag.  Freedom is an absolute right.  But with freedom comes responsibility.  Americans have been free to live their lives as they choose, but we haven’t always been responsible.  The government has now decided that we aren’t capable of making the right decisions.  They are stepping in and making them for us.  Our government is enslaving the people and the people do not see what is happening.  Our government is trying to convince us we need protection from ourselves.  We need to realize this before it’s too late. 

I see boxes being opened sometime down the road with evidence of the way life used to be for Americans.  The evidence will be hidden because it’s too difficult face.  We will somehow adjust to the transformation by going into survival mode.  The memories of the good will come back to haunt us.  Looking back we will see when and how it happened.  The picture will be clear once the smoke and mirrors have disappeared.  Out of fear we accepted things that didn’t seem right. We were too busy trying to survive.  The government convinced us that it knew best.  We were no longer capable of making the right decisions.  We smiled out of fear.

“Independence is happiness”

Susan B. Anthony